New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
