you guys were way drunker than both of me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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