Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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