playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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