Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
