You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
