I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My bed smells like the plague
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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