my phone needs a breathalizer
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize