girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
