i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
