considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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