so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize