I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
