I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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