oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
