Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
