I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i dont even know how to be here
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize