So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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