So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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