in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
