Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
