I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize