i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
