i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
