I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sober January is a disaster.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
