I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
