thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
