my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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