He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
