If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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