Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
