im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize