i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
