Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize