About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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