last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
