Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
