My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
