she looked like the before picture.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was confusing and full of hummus
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i dont even know how to be here
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
