batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
