Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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