well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
