just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
