I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
