the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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