who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
