theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
