were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize