I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
