i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize