I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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