I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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