so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it hurts more in the daytime
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
