Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
