I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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