me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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