And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
