There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
