I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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