Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
