I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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