M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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